Outlier.

This was one of those moments where you realise something, and it sparks and ignites something inside of your whole being that just makes you angry. At what? Everything. The world. Yourself. Your life. Ever had one of those moments? It's irritating, the thought wont leave my head. Therefore, that's the reason to why I am writing this right now -- it's a way to get rid of the thing that irritates me so. Here we go. Senior year. Feeling on top of the world, yet at the same time, your innocence has been stripped so far down that you can't feel anything anymore. In a sense, I'm done. Done with the people, done with everything. Yet, I'm not one of those negative people who want it all to be over with right now and can't enjoy the one last ride they have left of their teenage years ( essentially ). Sometimes, I can't stand my friends, my family, my everything. Other times, I love them all to bits and pieces. Yet, recently, I've felt like an outlier. Relying on friends whom have graduated to fill my nights with something fun over the internet. But that's the problem. Why am I spending my nights with friends on the internet? Don't normal teenagers go out and have fun? Yes, occasionally, I go out to a friends house or to a concert that fills me with joy. But, for the most part, it's with the same people over and over. If I have a 'huge' group of friends, why don't I hang out with everybody? Well the answer is simple: I don't drink, do drugs, have sex, or smoke. Therefore, as a teenage girl in high school who does theatre and is Drama Club president -- I am unappealing. I don't do any of those things that teenagers are noted for on shows like Skins. I get invited places, but then I realise what is going to ensue there, or what had already ensued prior. I don't want to be around a person that is stoned or something and isn't really 'there'. What's the point of it all? It makes you feel 'good'? For what? Four hours? Later, you become dependent on it. Then I will be somewhere else, enjoying life without weed, cigarettes, cocaine or any other substance that teenagers like to get themselves into. No one has the power to stop besides the user. You can tell them. You can say whatever you would like. But, it essentially doesn't mean a thing to them. The most heartbreaking thing is losing a family member or a loved one to an issue related to drugs...then you attempt to spread the word to prevent others from feeling the pain that still stings your heart to this very day; causes tears to run down your face and knowing that you'll never be able to hug them, tell them that you love them, or have one more laugh or memory with them ever. The worst was getting a response from someone that went a little something like: "I'll be long dead before I realise that I have lung cancer." That's our future generation. Life is too precious to be wasting it on 'feeling good' for a few hours, or smoking something that WILL kill you or someone that you hang around with. This is your life, your future, your everything. Don't be stupid. Don't do drugs. Don't make your friends who don't do drugs feel like outsiders while you go 'smoke a bowl' with your stoner friends. Stop. Take a look. Regain that childhood where everything was magic and you didn't depend on a substance to make you happy.

Derp.

Blogging is a great activity, but only periodically. Which is why I decided to finally start it up once more. It's not an absolute addiction, yet it's quite fun, so why not? Well, I'm finally a senior, that's pretty interesting seeing that Kindergarten felt as if it was last week -- marching around in little paper plate hats that we made in class, and now I'm going to be going to Prom, be presidents of things, get first dibs and it's strange. That whole status switch, not seeing people that I'm used to seeing every day for years on end, and now I am honored to watch their right of passage in a few hours (after cleaning my room, which I'm procrastinating on). So many things have happened. Things that have clearly made me happy and others that are quite difficult to go through. Like my grandfather and grandmother not being there for me to graduate high school or get into College, yet, like Phil Collins wrote for the movie Tarzan, they will forever and always be in my heart and a part of me. As well for the whole meaning to why I actually felt like writing on here once more, pointless romance as a teenager. Something we all long for in a weird sense, yet it's all such a tease and a cat-and-mouse game...why try? Sure, those with Boyfriends or Girlfriends are lucky. Yet, will they last? Statistics for that are actually quite low. Those that are together now are going to breakup, yet they are enjoying the ride, which is just fine. Yet, as time progresses and more boys file through (yes, boys...not 'men'), it's easier to realize the reality that is eventually going to come true. That reality being, I don't want a boyfriend nor need it at the moment. Which means: No. Boys at school. I don't like you. Only friends. As well as boys everywhere, I can't count on my two hands and ten fingers how many of those boys have come up to me after the fact and told me that they did somewhat fancy me around the same time I did. At this point, it's simply not worth it UnlessyouareacertainpersonthatgoestoadifferentschoolandisfriendswithRachel..thenitscoolCallMeMaybe..UnlessyouareHarryStylesaswell.Then.CallMeMaybe So. Happy Summer!

Aren't mondays just the weirdest?
I felt as if someone came into my room before I woke up, and slaughtered my hips. I couldn't move for hours.

I would love to just deposit feelings here. But, I have this underlying feeling that it wouldn't be safe. Seeing that I hadn't really talked it over with anyone. Being. People in reality. Or in general.

Just things changing. From the comfortable. Not something I'm too fond of.

What happened today?
History - Notes. Writing reyna a random letter.
Spanish - Lectured about how 'spanish is a lifestyle'. And learning more dichos. WOO. Which made me plan a post for Pottersworld..Just gotta talk it over. OH. And I planned Pottersworld posts.

Yes. Laugh now. I'm a nerd. Sorry.
I enjoy it. Isn't that what counts?

After some hip throbbing, settled into AP Physics.
More concept lessons. Should be doing chapter problems. Doodled and wrote a random note to James. Out of boredom. Someone could read that and think I have ADD or something.

APLANG- Vocab. Thank the lord that we didn't talk about TTWGP2. But, I must read it. Tonight.
MCJ's. Finished ALL! I feel soo accomplished.

Lunch- Most was finishing MCJ's. Then hugging Kelsie. And talking to McKenzie before video.
Video- Watched...videos. And such. Planned PSA with McKenzie. WOO DRUNK DRIVING.
Drama - Read Scapino. Nothing huge.
Talked to Anton about composers and musical songs! :D

Walked up to the office with Reyna and melly, talked, talked over burritos, burrito babies, and jamming to OneDirection whilst I was driving..and trying to talk to james someone .

Came home..talked to that someone. He went to bed..because...he's just strange. But, in a good way! Now. I am colouring and going next door to celebrate a birthday. I'm wiped.
Why? No clue.

Remember me blogging about british bands?

I feel accomplished knowing about them before they hit it big in America.

OH yes.

Jessie J.
One Direction.
The Wanted. ('Glad You Came'- on Glee this week.)
Cher Lloyd.
Olly Murs.

Sooner or later, people will catch on.

Until then, Sticks and Stones and Up All Night on repeat until I have a 'movie date' with someone who likes to label himself as my 'favourite boy'.

Lilo and Stitch anyone? (:

I'm going to start coming back to this, seeing that I'm at home quite a bit, and my personal diary could be getting quite sick of me. I don't know. I perceive it that way. I can let feelings out here. Sure, it may cause some tumbling down of things, but everyone needs their outlets, and seeing that I only have a couple and the most important ones have been taken away from me...maybe a weekly blog is in order.



Hello all.
I've missed you.

Alice.

Today was sheepish.
The speed of it all, that is.
There was a lockdown, during lunch, and our offices instructions were:

"GO TO YOUR LAST PERIOD."

1. Lunch was almost over.
2. Aren't the rules: ' go to the nearest classroom'?
3. I was already in a classroom during lunch with two of my teachers, double the safety. Therefore, there was no reason to go to APUSH.

What happened today?

2 MC's.
Spanish mumbling.
APPHYSICS= copy APUSH notes and briefly pay attention.
APUSH. Major Review. 31/45. You may think thats awful, but I was expecting something like: 15/45. I'm content.
Lunch (see above)
Video. Finished. Now, time to storyboard for music video.
Testing my lady cap on lines.
Feeling that certain teachers dislike me.
Magtira and Scott.
RO-MAY-O.
Costume and foundation matching.
Act 2 funkiness.
Mexican Food.
PLL to max.
Realizing that I left my binder and spanish WB in the drama room..epic fail
Criminal Minds viewing with bubby.
New One Direction.
Harry Edward Styles (see back of my binder)
Being silly with ARAYE.
APUSH about Andrew Jackson.
Review Act 2.
APUSH review.


I thought today was aiight.

Time to go and chill out. Listening to:

You can probably guess.
British<3

Night my hearts<3 (: