Outlier.

This was one of those moments where you realise something, and it sparks and ignites something inside of your whole being that just makes you angry. At what? Everything. The world. Yourself. Your life. Ever had one of those moments? It's irritating, the thought wont leave my head. Therefore, that's the reason to why I am writing this right now -- it's a way to get rid of the thing that irritates me so. Here we go. Senior year. Feeling on top of the world, yet at the same time, your innocence has been stripped so far down that you can't feel anything anymore. In a sense, I'm done. Done with the people, done with everything. Yet, I'm not one of those negative people who want it all to be over with right now and can't enjoy the one last ride they have left of their teenage years ( essentially ). Sometimes, I can't stand my friends, my family, my everything. Other times, I love them all to bits and pieces. Yet, recently, I've felt like an outlier. Relying on friends whom have graduated to fill my nights with something fun over the internet. But that's the problem. Why am I spending my nights with friends on the internet? Don't normal teenagers go out and have fun? Yes, occasionally, I go out to a friends house or to a concert that fills me with joy. But, for the most part, it's with the same people over and over. If I have a 'huge' group of friends, why don't I hang out with everybody? Well the answer is simple: I don't drink, do drugs, have sex, or smoke. Therefore, as a teenage girl in high school who does theatre and is Drama Club president -- I am unappealing. I don't do any of those things that teenagers are noted for on shows like Skins. I get invited places, but then I realise what is going to ensue there, or what had already ensued prior. I don't want to be around a person that is stoned or something and isn't really 'there'. What's the point of it all? It makes you feel 'good'? For what? Four hours? Later, you become dependent on it. Then I will be somewhere else, enjoying life without weed, cigarettes, cocaine or any other substance that teenagers like to get themselves into. No one has the power to stop besides the user. You can tell them. You can say whatever you would like. But, it essentially doesn't mean a thing to them. The most heartbreaking thing is losing a family member or a loved one to an issue related to drugs...then you attempt to spread the word to prevent others from feeling the pain that still stings your heart to this very day; causes tears to run down your face and knowing that you'll never be able to hug them, tell them that you love them, or have one more laugh or memory with them ever. The worst was getting a response from someone that went a little something like: "I'll be long dead before I realise that I have lung cancer." That's our future generation. Life is too precious to be wasting it on 'feeling good' for a few hours, or smoking something that WILL kill you or someone that you hang around with. This is your life, your future, your everything. Don't be stupid. Don't do drugs. Don't make your friends who don't do drugs feel like outsiders while you go 'smoke a bowl' with your stoner friends. Stop. Take a look. Regain that childhood where everything was magic and you didn't depend on a substance to make you happy.